What Women Want

In today's episode of The Simpsons, Homer made a suggestion in front of an audience of women who booed him loudly. Not wanting to anger them, he then offered another suggestion which was the opposite of the first. This resulted in the same response of a chorus of boos. With a perplexed expression on his face he cried out, "What do women want?!"

It reminded me of an issue close to my heart, and one which I have not talked about for oh such a long time.

A man walking along Pasir Ris beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".
The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing' and "I don't know" and how I can make a woman truly happy?"
After a few minutes God said, "How many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

After 20 years, I do not possess even the slightest idea of how the mind of a woman works. Particularly one from Singapore.
What irks me more, as well as every other self respecting guy in the land, is that they can go on and on about it through avenues like that show on The Asia News Channel with the host with the irritating voice, and talk about how "Singaporean men aren't satisfying us". Well, for a start, how about saying it straight, or at the very least giving a slight hint of what in christ's name you want.

A girl can go on and on about how she envies what her best friend's boyfriend does for her, how it's so romantic, and how she wishes she could have it. So you give it to her.
The response would undoubtedly be something completely irrelevant that makes you think, "What the f---?".
"You know, you're a really nice guy."

The reason a Singaporean girl can never be satisfied is because she wants everything to be as perfect as it appears in her fantasies. From the moment she is old enough to have an interest in the male of the species, she creates this image in her mind of the person that she will one day marry. A shadowy and strange figure that appears in all her dreams. The strong, tall, dark, handsome, rich, sensitive and understanding gentleman that will emerge one day when the ground cracks open and proceed to sweep her off her feet. Unfortunately, what this means is that the majority of girls spend the early part of their lives in love with a person that does not exist.

Hmm... this guy is cute, but not really cute. And he isn't the romantic sort.
Ah.. this guy, he's very sweet, but I've seen sweeter. Though he's rich, I've seen richer. Think I'd rather have an ang moh so I don't have to worry about having ugly children.

Let me correct what I said earlier. A young Singaporean girl is hard to appease. When we first weave a dream, it is a vision of ideal perfection. Exactly what we only hope, wish, dream and pray for. As we watch it eventually crumble bit by bit before our eyes, we start to settle for less and less of our original desire. This is a simple concept called the Hourglass Phenomenon. When what you want slowly slips away and you scramble to get whatever you can.

There will be a time in every young lady's life when she suddenly comes to the realisation that she is not so young anymore, and the probability of her finding a mate is actually lower than the likelihood of her dying alone. Once a person reaches this stage, it is but a piece of cake.
Whatever she told you in the years before is no longer valid. So my fellow gentleman, be not afraid! If you truly long for someone, do not worry, about what happens today, or tomorrow, or even in the next year or two, because the tables will turn one day.

Alright, at this point, I shall recognise the fact that every non-male who reads this will have an extremely strong point of contention, so please feel free to express your views. Since I seem doomed to a life as a Mechanical Engineer, allow me to act like a psychologist at least for a short while. And for the record, whatever criticism you have of gentlemen, hey, at least we're simple people who have very simple and honest goals in life. Be it sex, lies and/or videotapes, its very easily satiable and not something like, "I just want someone who can make me happy." Where "happy" means fulfilment in every major aspect of life such as having $12049214 in the bank account before reaching 25.

So for now, guys, if you really want to get through to the heart of that sweetheart of yours, don't bother with the roses and chocolates and expensive dinners. Go bleach your skin till it becomes white, acquire an American accent, find a rich friend and kill him (brutally) and take his money, and socialize a little more with that gay bunkmate of yours, he'll teach you a thing or two about sensitivity and understanding, whatever the hell those things are.

I think the great Mel Gibson (That's right Jesus freaks, director of The Passion.) said it best in an interview not too long ago.
"What do women want? Well... I think it has something to do with conversation... uh... Conversation and chocolates."

Kurt(...and she's just a love machine.)